CONFESSION | SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS
My Conflicting Emotions Surrounding Birthdays
It hurts inside. I never tell anyone that I dreaded my birthday until now.
My therapist encourages writing, suggesting it helps to bring unspoken words, feelings, and everything into better perspective.
Writing them is not easy because the thing that I needed to write is all about unresolved matters and trauma related.
First, I draft. Some raw outpouring of words that will eventually be formed into sentences, into something that make sense.
The memory drawers are open now, a tangled mess filled with jumbled experiences, some are distorted, and some are out of order.
Sometimes, I can’t even tell which end is which.
I have to sort them out, before something unexpectedly leaps out, like this yearly birthday thing. It always left me unsettled and confused; I don’t know why.
It took a long time to write this, but I’m finally acknowledging my feelings — all of them.
Birthdays can be a real downer for me.
